It’s really weird. I’ve been unemployed for a month as of tomorrow, and it hit me today that I am really, really happy. And that’s weird - isn’t it? I feel like I should be angry or scared or stressed, but I’m just not. I almost feel guilty. Like I should be playing the role of the down and out girl who doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing (ever), but I’m not interested in being that girl.
Sure, I’m worried about the future. My money will be gone sooner than later. I have students loans (Lawd Jesus, do I have student loans) and car payments and credit card debt and all those things that you have to deal with. But for right now, in this moment, I’m content. This has a lot (ok, everything) to do with the fact that I’m surrounded by people who are so warm and caring that they make me feel better just by existing. These people buy me tickets to see En Vogue, and dress up with me to go see Clueless on a Sunday night, and give me kisses and hugs because I need them to. Some of the kindest words I’ve ever heard have been said about me over the last few weeks, and it’s almost overwhelming to hear, especially when sometimes you internally feel like you failed at something, like you screwed up. You need those people around you to say, “No, you’re great. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
I’m sure I’ll write a follow up post to this one next week that will be like EFF IM POOR EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE FIND ME A JARB but tonight, I’m good.